Change

Just like most of you, becoming a mother is what I have dreamed of my entire life. The first few months of motherhood were bliss for me. My baby was so good, and my marriage was stronger than ever. I stayed home with my baby, Caleb, for six weeks and then I returned to work for a couple of months to finish the school year. I loved being at home, and I loved being at work. Because my husband was working from a home office he took care of Caleb during the day. I felt like we were a wonderful team. We were all on a schedule, and it really worked for us. As great as it was at the end of the two months I was ready to be home. I was getting tired, and my husband was falling behind on his work. He needed me to take over, and I wanted to be at home with my baby.

It was then, when Caleb was almost four months old, that the questions and the depth of the transition set in for me. Who was I? What was the point of getting dressed and putting on make-up in the morning? What was my style? What was I to do while my baby was sleeping? We had decided to not have TV in our home, was I to turn back on the agreement and spend my afternoons holding my baby in front of the TV in order to kill a few hours while my husband was working? Did my husband have a role in the home beyond providing? How could he help? Was nursing really for me? Was parenting really for me? I was so confused. I had committed my life to being a mother. Now it was time to make the most of it.

If these questions sound familiar to you, we must remind you of the admonition Paul gave to the Romans in Timothy 2 when he said "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." God has given each one of those gifts to each of us, and now is the time for you to practice them to an extent you probably never have before.

We all deal with change in different ways, yet we generally accept the fact that change is an opportunity for growth. We would like to give you some suggestions for coping with change. Check out the book Managing Transitions by William Bridges

Possibly one of the best resources for dealing with change is other people who have had similar experiences. Talk to your friends and family to help you understand or glean from their experiences.

Mentally prepare by having closure on your previous life and letting go.

Mental preparation is a technique we often use on our children when we warn them a few days before something is going to happen or count down before they are to leave their friends house. This mental preparation is important for us as adults too. One of our friends explained how she gets mentally prepared for a big change. “To deal with it all I have to be prepared mentally, like keep running through my mind what is happening and not have unrealistic expectations, or just know that things don't always go the way I'd like them to. This is hard because I usually lose sleep at night just thinking. It also helps tremendously to talk to others, especially those who have been through a similar situation. I think saying things out loud helps me organize my thoughts, writing in my journal does the same.”

One of our friends admitted, “I think the hard part of becoming a mother doesn’t have much to do with the actual responsibilities of motherhood, but rather it’s the letting go of what your life was before the child entered. It’s important to be able to acknowledge the fact that your life will change permanently with the arrival of a baby, and that other hobbies or activities you were able to spend time on before will need to have a closure… Closure is what oftentimes doesn’t happen, and that makes it hard to become a mother.”

Dealing with Misscarriage 

I don't know if this is the best spot for the topic of miscarriage. I am not sure where to include it, but I think it should be included somewhere in the book.

“It is okay to grieve over what might have been when you have a miscarriage, but don’t despair. My miscarriage aught me that this process of creating life, brining these spirit children to earth, is truly in the Lord’s hands. It is His work and His glory. He is in charge and we are honored to have a role in His plan.

Set realistic expectations – Take things one day at a time.

“One day I was a graduate student completing my program and the next day I was a mother who wasn’t getting any sleep and could hardly remember anything I learned in graduate school. It is hard to imagine before becoming a mother how much it really will change you life even though everyone tells you about it, it’s one of those experiences in life that you must live through and experience for yourself. The best part of the transition for me happened when my baby was about three months and I had gone back to work part time and he started sleeping a little better (meaning he was only getting up 1 or two times at night), I really started to feel more like my former self only better.”

Create a “Rhythm” / Schedule

“Now I understand how important a daily and weekly rhythm can be- not only for the child but, perhaps more importantly for the mother. Now I am forced into a rhythm because of the school schedule, but it would have been helpful when I was a mother of one, also. Simple things such as doing laundry or grocery shopping, paying bills or cleaning certain rooms in the house on certain days of the week lend purpose and meaning to one's day. Of course, going to the park, having a night out with one's husband, and pizza for dinner on Friday are important too! It may sound simple, but it makes my week go much smoother when I have it formed into a rhythm.”

“The hardest thing about the transition into motherhood is learning how to keep your mind active in an unstructured environment. After that, it is learning how to structure your day so that you are productive even with regular interruptions and few progress reports.”

Understand Gods Plan / The Eternal Perspective

There are many wonderful things about the transition into motherhood. Please add your experiences.

“The best thing about the transition to motherhood was that my eyes were opened more to the infinite plan. I had a real purpose and someone that really needed me and it felt good. I felt I really understood more how much the Lord truly loves us and wants the best for us. I also became a much more tolerant person for other people's children and a lot more laid back towards everything. There was a little human that no matter what I couldn't control and I had to learn to accept that.”

“The best thing about the transition into motherhood is knowing that what I’m doing right now will impact my daughter’s eternity and mine.”

Keep a Christ Centered Perspective – Hard times don’t stay forever

“I won’t lie; it’s a scary role. We are fully responsible for these children and what they become. We have such few years to mold them and send them in the right direction. If you stop to think of the deepness of that responsibility, it can be overwhelming. But to overcome it, I rely firmly on a loving Heavenly Father who knows my children and me and can help me in the process.”

"It is by letting the world go and coming unto christ that we increasingly live as women of God. . . We are women of faith, virtue, vision, and charity who rejoice in motherhood and in womanhood and in the family. We are not panicked about perfection, but we are working to become more pure. And we know that in the strength of the Lord we can do all righteous things, because we have immersed ourselves in His gospel. We cannot be women of the world for we are Latter-Day Saint women of God." Sheri Dew

Change is part of life

“As with each change, challenge, and obstacle that comes our way as new parents we embrace the knowledge we gain from it, look at it as gaining experience, and try to always wear a smile. Being flexible and happy makes dealing with those hard times a 100 times easier, then when I find myself uptight and ornery. Parenthood is an incredible journey and I don’t want to miss any aspect of it because I was expecting too much out of my spouse, my babies, or myself and missing the true experience of it all.”

“Life has a lot of punches. Take them with a good sense of humor. There isn't a whole lot you can do about a lot of things that will happen to you and your family. Let the trials move you closer to the Lord where you will find happiness and peace instead of moving further away where you will find more stress and unhappiness!”

“Being a mom is the hardest job out there in my opinion. But it is the most rewarding as well. There is nothing better than those precious children coming into your life wanting you to teach them and love them. My second child daily will say, “Mom, I need to tell you something.” “What”, I ask? Her response is “I love you”. The struggles day to day are far surpassed when something like that happens. When a child walks for the first time, cracks a smile, starts to read, says their first prayer, etc. – you forget that they spilled their milk or ruined your nice furniture. Because what really matters in life isn’t the material things but the fact that you are raising one (or many) of Heavenly Father’s Children. I claim the quote as my own that is so well known: A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... but the world will be better because I was important in the life of a child.”